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今天,格雷格和我庆祝了25年来的成为。和夫人。Greg Cassidy!

格雷格和4月-5月28日,1994年 .

从我15岁到格雷格16岁,我们约会了将近6年。I thought we were SO ready to be a godly husband and wife.事实上,我认为我们比任何人都准备得更好。We weren't going to have conflict or problems like all those其他people.婚姻对我们来说一点也不难!

婚礼顺利举行。太完美了!Greg's dad was our officiating pastor.我妹妹是我的伴娘。格雷格的哥哥是他的伴郎。我们每人还有六个服务员。音乐很优美。招待会上的食物真是太棒了。在南卡罗来纳州炎热潮湿的下午,350人挤进教堂和我们一起庆祝。Everything was like a fairy tale.

The first three days of our marriage were glorious.The honeymoon was everything I had hoped and imagined it would be!

But you know what the Bible says about pride,正确的?


是的。It took all of about one week of marriage beforethings began to get really hard.我完全没有准备和震惊。我不懂初选婚姻的目的in those early years.我也没有很多工具来帮助我解决这么多的问题和困难。I thought I trusted the Lord.I had received Christ as my Savior at the age of five.我记得很多诗句。I only listened to Christian music.But I didn't know how to live out my faith in real life.I was operating in my own strength,not God's.

今天,I am grateful for everything.The good times and the hard times.

Leaving the church on our wedding day – May 28,1994年

正是在我们结婚的头14年中经历的种种困难中,上帝以我以前从未欣赏或理解过的方式,让我看到了我对他的深切需要。I am forever in the Lord's debt for this!

他告诉我,真正考验我信仰的是我生命的果实。他睁开我的眼睛,看我生命的果实不是他精神的果实:爱,joy,和平,耐心,kindness,天哪,faithfulness,以及自我控制。I wanted to be all of those things and to have all of those things but I was lonely,可怜的,和沮丧。我不知道怎么去我想去的地方。我以为这都是格雷格的错,他需要解决。他需要让我开心,做我想让他做的一切。Then my life would be wonderful.

The fruit of my life for a long time was害怕,请worry,请anxiety,control,请pride,自以为是,complaining,请arguing,请negative talking,请怨恨,aspirit of offense,请和苦涩.The way I lived didn't match up with what I said I believed.

我们当时一团糟。如果上帝在10年和1/2年前没有介入,we would not be where we are today.毫无疑问,without God's help,我们现在会陷入更大的混乱,我们的孩子们,too.我们走的路对我们所有人来说都是毁灭性的和有毒的。

But God…

他先睁开我的眼睛把我从那个肮脏的坑里拉出来。For the first time ever,I saw the enormity of my own sin (the ways I fell short of God's holy standard of perfection –只读存储器3:23)。我为自己的精神状况感到悲哀和恐惧(马特。5:4)。Then I stopped demanding that God change my husband and began begging Him to changeme.

I yielded my life to theLordship of Jesusand decided to真的相信他有控制权rather than trusting myself to try to make everything happen like I thought it should.

他把我从谎言,请思维混乱,and chains that were choking me.慢慢地,the Lord began to heal me first.然后,over the years,他在格雷格工作,开始治愈我们的婚姻。我怎么能为这些奇迹给予耶稣足够的赞美和荣耀呢?你看!

I am thankful today.

  • 感谢上帝赐予我们的恩典。
  • Thankful for Him illuminating His wisdom for us in our marriage.
  • Thankful for His Word.
  • Thankful for His Spirit.
  • 感谢他的承诺。
  • 感谢他的忠诚。
  • Thankful for His beautiful design for men,女人,marriage,还有家庭。
  • 感谢你,在基督里,我们不必继续作为习惯性罪恶的奴隶生活下去。

我希望每个人都能体验到salvation,请healing,请and abundant spiritual life Jesus provides!That is the greatest desire of my heart!He is the only source of real peace,joy,fulfillment,和满足。不是丈夫。不是婚姻。不是孩子。Not romance.不是世俗的幸福。Not religious rules or rituals.其中一些是好事。但如果没有和平王子,上帝啊,在我心中的宝座上,they will all leave me empty.

When we are walking and living in right relationship with Him,他改变了我们的心,头脑,还有灵魂。他将他的医治能力倾注在我们身上,改变我们的心愿,思考,and the way we interact with others so that we can become more and more of a blessing to everyone around us.Not because of our own wisdom,strength,or goodness,但是因为他的精神和他的话在我们身上起作用。

只要我们在这个地球上,我们仍然需要处理罪恶的本质,but in the power of Jesus,他可以帮助我们把旧的自己钉死我们有能力选择每一个时刻向他屈服,以便他能帮助我们。活在我们新自然的力量中,the Holy Spirit.只要我们生活在地球上,上帝会继续精炼,修剪,净化我们。他要使我们谦卑,帮助我们在信心上成长,love Him,全心全意地寻找他。然后,one day in heaven,我们将与他一同荣耀,完全摆脱我们罪恶的本性和诱惑的影响。那将是多么美好的一天!


Anything good in me is totally from Him.

I am amazed that 25 years have sped by so quickly already.My prayer is,

"May God be greatly glorified in each of our lives,在我们的婚姻中,在我们孩子的生活中!May our marriage point people to the福音上帝啊!”

我也为你们每个人祈祷,precious sisters and friends!


  • 好消息,我们终于完成了对格雷格父母的房子的工作,准备好出售,并在过去的一周把它投放市场!We praise God for this!我的祈祷是,这个家可能是一个美好的祝福,一个新的家庭,他们将作出许多记忆,珍惜那里多年来。
  • 我仍然很享受我和我哥哥和父母的新工作。他们很高兴我在那儿。I am ecstatic to be there.I know I am where I need to be.我还有很多东西要学,当然。但希望我会变得越来越有用。我想为他们祝福,my coworkers,and our customers.
  • 我正在调整我的新时间表,并且工作时间增加得很好。孩子们和我在家里的家务和优先事项上有了新的平衡。他们正在承担额外的责任,因为他们已经足够大了,可以这样做,而且非常有能力。
  • 我们的儿子,our daughter,我每个人都在经历一些医疗问题。有些可能涉及潜在的手术。So we are praying for wisdom in dealing with these things.
  • We have had some additional trials recently about which I can't elaborate right now.Thankfully,它们比我们去年面临的问题要小得多。更大的试验真的把更小的放在正确的角度!
  • 我继续祷告,寻求耶和华,寻求他的指示和异象,为我的事工前行。事情很疯狂。我希望现在房地产的一栋房子完工后能平静一点。I know God will show me His path for me as I wait on Him.
  • I have needed some extra time to allow the Lord to restore my soul and to help me tend to my family in this season.Thank you for your patience,爱,encouragement,和支持!

Fear not,因为我与你同在。不要惊慌,因为我是你的上帝;

I will strengthen you,我会帮你的,





Can't wait to see all that the Lord has in store for我们每个人as we continue this journey together!



“和平的母亲——以基督为主宰建立健康的根基”-在你对耶稣的信仰中,通过有力地影响你的生活和家庭关系的方式,Nitty Gritty帮助你真正地挖掘并疯狂地成长。

How to Have a Saving Relationship with Jesus Christ

What Is the Gospel?作者

8 Powerful Keys to Peace

The Cure for My Compulsion to Control



The Purpose of Marriage

My Desire for Marriages


This past year has been the most difficult and painful of our lives.But God is STILL VERY GOOD!他和我们在一起,他能够带走所有的好与坏,并将其用于我们的终极善与他的终极荣耀(罗)。8:28-29),事实上,这是他对我们作为基督信徒的承诺。看看我们从圣经中学到的原则,帮助我们解决问题和困难。

Finding Contentment in Christ Alone During Painful Trials


Finding Real Joy in the Midst of a Painful Trial


拍照人Drew HaysUnsplash


当我们坐在车里的医疗停车场,somewhat numb and in shock,我们想知道上帝在做什么。We had just been told our 7 month-old son had无头畸形.我们不知道会发生什么。结婚不到三年,we had already experienced the birth of our first-born son,the still-born birth of his twin brother,在我们的第一个周年纪念日之前,还有许多医院住院。


我们的希望呢?our dreams?What now? So many questions and no answers,除了信任认识他们的人。我们曾发誓要团结一致,坚持不懈,不管生活给我们带来了什么。这是一种承诺,一种仁慈,仁慈和忠诚的上帝,带领我们度过了难关。

很快过去了五年,我们家现在有四个男孩;我们最小的孩子,also diagnosed with Lissencephaly.我们的生活围绕着治疗,IEP的,school and government paperwork,doctor's appointments and seizure management – along with work,school and church activities.We did our best to keep up,to be the best parents we could be to all our sons. And,life went on.


虽然我们参加过几次婚姻会议,周末度假和短假,bitterness,愤怒和孤立逐渐蔓延,看不见,ignored and left to grow.What I started realizing around 23 years of marriage,was that I had baggage that needed to be addressed.I had bitterness.I had attitudes that needed adjusting and a heart that needed to be changed.A lot of pain and subsequent consequences could've been avoided had I chosen to heed the early warning signs.

With this in mind,我可以和你分享一些上帝在他爱的精炼室里,几年来一直在教导我的经验吗?

  • 住在基督里:增长,在我的私生活和婚姻中,平和和和满足的开始和结束都是在基督里。“我是藤蔓,you are the branches;he who abides in Me and I in him,he bears much fruit,因为除了我,你什么都做不了。”John 15:5.这意味着要和我的牧羊人待在一起,了解他,爱他,相信他,obeying Him.
  • 服从: I am learning that my obedience and yielding to Christ,or lack there-of,不仅影响我认识他的能力,听到他的声音,to see His work in my life and to be used by Him,但也会影响我的人际关系,my marriage,我的态度,my peace of mind and my heart. In the midst of all the demands and responsibilities that come along with being a mom of boys with special needs,I oftentimes put obeying God on the back burner.我忽视了和他在一起的时间。我没有保护我的心,my words,我的想法,or my actions – especially in my marriage.我认为我的婚姻和丈夫是理所当然的,failing to realize the gradual erosion taking place.
  • 尽早解决问题:回头看,我希望我和我丈夫能帮我们处理行李,一些问题,以及我们婚姻早期的差异。Although,很难找到儿童保育服务(通常情况下,由于医疗需求和挑战很大)。and expensive to see a counselor,我们或许可以避免路上的痛苦和陷阱。
  • 感谢:上帝在教导我,感恩的心和态度会使我心中不住苦涩和酸涩。如果我一直关注我的孩子们做不到的事,what they are missing out on,我丈夫和我错过了什么,然后,我不仅变得痛苦,但是,I can become depressed and lose hope.每天寻找感谢上帝的理由帮助我保持一个永恒的视角,在我们的生活中看到上帝的祝福,帮助我在他里面生活。
  • Mentors:这可能是一种孤独和孤立的生活。我已经知道,基督教的生活也不是注定的。在我们的生活中,我们需要基督教导师,年纪大一些,聪明的女人和年长的女人,更有经验的夫妇。It's hard to reach out and invest the time and energy necessary for close friendships amid all the on-going responsibilities that come with the special needs territory,但这是值得的!Years ago,God brought an older,在我的生活中有一个更聪明的女人,和我一起走过许多季节,山顶和山谷,joys and sorrows.她给予鼓励,倾听的耳朵,智慧,truth and perspective.  My husband and I are also in a couple's small group Bible study.Getting there isn't always easy or convenient and requires sacrifice on our part;但是,我们在婚姻中得到鼓励和责任感,and the opportunity to encourage and minister to other couples.
  • 在部里接触: God is helping me to reach out and use my gifts to help others.This is a toughie as we SN (special needs) moms just don't have a lot of extra time to devote to long-term,even short-term ministry.For many years,I was involved in music ministry.It worked well as it was flexible and allowed me the opportunities to use my gifts and talents for the kingdom.  God has changed my direction somewhat the past few years,stretching me in undeveloped areas and giving me many smaller opportunities to serve others.I'm learning to look for these opportunities daily and though they are often small acts,others are encouraged and blessed,我也是。
  • God's Word/Hope:God's Word,His truths and promises,支持我,帮助我看着他。对我来说,沉思和背诵经文不是一项容易的训练,但当我最需要的时候,我所学的诗句是现成的。最近,these two verses on hope have really encouraged me.

"[Now] we have this [hope] as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul [it cannot slip and it cannot break down under whoever steps out upon it–a hope] that reaches farther and enters into [the very certainty of the Presence] within the veil."  Hebrews 6:19 AMPC

"Now may God,灵感和希望之泉,当你信任他时,让你充满无法维持的快乐和完美的平静。愿圣灵的大能,常以他的丰盛,环绕你的生命,直到你发出希望的光。」罗马人15:13 tpt


我们称赞你是造物主。你让我们按照你想要的方式组织在一起。我们是可怕而奇妙的!原谅我们的不耐烦,自私和不愿意相信你。我们在无眠的夜晚和漫长的日子里祈祷力量和耐力。给我们朋友,他们可以鼓励我们,当我们的神经紧张时给我们安慰。而且,当一切都黑暗的时候给我们希望。We look forward to the great reward of someday seeing our special children,特别完美!



你在婚姻中经历了什么样的挣扎和磨难,家庭,职业生涯,or life that has brought about a harvest of godly wisdom you feel led to share with us?

或者你今天只是需要一些鼓励和祈祷来帮助你在目前的审判中?Let us know so we can pray with you.

也,if you have a testimony you'd like to share for a post on any topic,我很想看。我在寻找女人的故事,关于上帝教导她们的事情,以及上帝如何通过基督改变和治愈她们。我喜欢1000-1500字左右的文章。You may send them to me on my联系人页面.我很想有一些特别是在四月的客座帖子来分享。

Much love!

Why Is My Husband So Skeptical of the Changes I Am Making?


首先,if you have decided to walk on this road,我是激动你想让上帝改变你,你想成为上帝所召唤的女人和妻子。This is not an easy journey.它是一个狭窄的,孤独的很少有人能找到它。But God's path is the most wonderful place to be in all the world – full of the presence of God,the glory of God,and spiritual treasures and blessings in Christ.

  • 因此,如果有人从可耻的事上洁净自己,he will be a vessel for honorable use,set apart as holy,对主人有用,ready for every good work.2 Tim.2:21

很多次,我们是妻子(尤其是A型人格,像我一样,把自己投入到试图同时彻底改变我们生活中的一切。We expect ourselves to be able to master these new ways of thinking,speaking,在几个小时或几天内表演。We are sincere about wanting the Lord to change us.而且…我们真的希望我们的丈夫在我们改变的时候支持我们。



也许我一直在做的这几天,or even a few weeks or months – and yet,my husband doesn't seem to be changing.事实上,也许吧he doesn't seem to "buy"新的我。


我注意到的一件事是,大多数丈夫对他们的妻子在这次旅行中所做的改变仍持怀疑态度,不管他们是否信教。这似乎是一个很常见的模式。我见过一个丈夫,他立刻非常支持她,第二天他妻子在床上做早餐。apologized for her disrespect.但大多数时候,丈夫对他们看到的突然变化感到困惑和担忧。即使是很好的改变,对于不知道发生了什么事情的人来说也会显得很可怕。

如果你有几个月的历史,years,或者几十年的单向行动,and now you are seeking to allow God to change you,太棒了!And I want to encourage you to keep going and to press on,允许上帝在你的内心和生命中做他想做的一切。我就在这里,为你加油,praying for you,and rooting for you with all my heart!

  • 我相信这一点,that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.菲尔。1:6


The truth is,一般来说,人们需要时间来彻底改变自己的心脏。

People can put on a front for a while.但事实上,并不是很多人都有持续的心灵和生活的彻底改变。

如果你结婚了一段时间,你和我一样有个性,你可能读过很多婚姻书,在过去尝试过很多新的方法。Your husband may assume that this is just "another one of those phases."他可能认为这是又一次试图操纵他。Or that it is a fad that will fade in a few weeks.So he may not get on board right away and cheer for the good new things you are doing.他可能会担心如果他不按你希望的方式回应,你会很难过的。改变对丈夫来说是非常可怕的。即使是很好的改变。他们还不确定你为什么要做这些改变,是否真的会像看起来的那样好。


And the only thing that will convince most husbands that this kind of change is real – is that they see it consistently over a significant period of time.就像很多-几个月甚至几年。

我从来没有遇到过女人,在我七年的服事生涯中,他突然完全改变了。我当然没有。我花了3年多的时间beginto feel like I had any clue what I was doing.And I was studying and praying 3-5 hours per day almost 7 days per week that entire 3 years.It was another year or two after that before it all began to really feel like the new me.我每天都在学习,经过10年的旅程,and will be for the rest of my life!

除此之外,你丈夫有自己的旅程,too.他的时间可能和你的不同。当你离开神的道,与主合作,成为他所称为你的女人和妻子时,神可以更接近他。That will make it easier for your husband to hear God's voice to him.别担心。他会有很多变化要做,too.God will handle that.


这段旅程更像是一个学习走路的婴儿,而不像是打开一个电灯开关。Or it is like learning a brand new language that is foreign to us.We don't go from infant to being able to walk in a day or even a month.And we don't suddenly become fluent in a foreign language in a few hours or a few weeks.Or even a year.

What God is calling us to is radical.

He wants us to give up our old fixed beliefs about God,其他人,and ourselves.他希望我们释放我们从我们的文化中得到的所有洗脑和灌输,我们的罪恶本性,and the enemy for decades.He wants us to把我们罪恶的本性钉在十字架上耶稣在十字架上receive His Spirit.He wants to shine His blazing Light into the darkest,我们心灵最受伤的地方,清除任何有毒和bring total healing.He wants us to rebuild our lives completely on His Word and His truth alone.


  • 这不是一个只需要在室内粉刷并在窗户上挂上新窗帘的房子的问题。
  • 上帝要做的是把旧房子夷为平地,从头开始重建。

Positionally,我在上帝眼中是神圣的.I am cleansed by the blood of Jesus.I have received all of Jesus' righteousness and holiness into my account.他完全偿还了我的罪债。当上帝看着我,He sees Jesus and His holiness and goodness!How amazing is that!?!?

过程experiential or progressivesanctification我们在这个星球上的整个生命。总有很多东西要学,还有很多要理解的。There is always more growing to do in our faith and so many more spiritual treasures to discover in Jesus.

  • 愿平安的神亲自使你们全然成圣,愿我们的主耶稣基督来的时候,你们的心,灵魂,身体,都没有罪。1帖。5点23分


我亲爱的妹妹,你只要继续做上帝叫你做的事。Until He calls you home to heaven.

Reverence Christ above all.Think rightly about and respect your husband.Think rightly about and respect yourself.这最终是关于你和耶稣的。继续让他改变你。继续让他治愈并教导你。Continue to humble yourself before the Lord and invite Him to have full control andyield to His Lordship完全正确。

Continue to demonstrate to your husband that when you stumble,你马上回来。

告诉他这是真的。你不完美,但你是坚定的!如果他怀疑的话,不要谈论你正在学习和做什么。.你的话不会给他留下好印象。The genuine heart and life change he sees in you will eventually speak much more loudly than your words ever could.

Be patient with your husband's skepticism.意识到他确实有一点——人们通常不会在一瞬间改变180度。And利用这段时间,你的丈夫可能不会非常支持你,让上帝来完善你的动机。.If your motives are that you want your husband to change,you won't be able to hold on for months with a skeptical husband.当你发现你对你丈夫缺乏支持感到失望时,让这提醒你,你希望你的动机只是为了取悦和尊敬上帝。为耶稣而改变。

如果你丈夫没有体验到上帝的转变力量,他自己,or he hasn't seen it before,he may not realize that it is even possible for people to dramatically change by the power of Jesus.所以你有一个难以置信的机会成为那个例子。


我记得头三年里我曾多次感到沮丧,尤其是,我的旅程。我不知道自己在做什么。没有导师。No one to help me navigate this seeming minefield but God,我的日记,30多本书。I would get frustrated that Greg didn't seem to be changing or didn't seem to be as supportive as I wanted him to be.

在那些时刻,上帝会温柔地对我的心说话,“四月,why are you doing this?Are you changing so that you can control Greg and make him do what you want him to do for you?你这样做是为了让你觉得格雷格更爱你吗?或者你在为我换衣服?”


对自己要有耐心。You are human.这是一个困难的旅程,很少有女性能做到,尤其是在我们的文化中。在天堂之前,我们都不会完美无缺。We need to give ourselves much grace – and our husbands,too.But we can allow God to help us grow.我们可以让他接近我们的灵魂和思想。我们可以决定屈服于他的领导,相信他会给我们每一步所需要的光。We can trust Him with the outcomes.We can allow Him to give us the power we need to walk in holiness and obedience.We can rest in Him and allow Him to restore our souls and to be our Good Shepherd.

Note to Wives with Severe Marriage Issues:

If there are any uncontrolled mental health issues,active addictions,很多关于金钱/时间/其他联系的秘密,通奸,滥用,or other serious problems going on in your marriage,please reach out to a trusted,experienced,虔诚的辅导员,一对一的帮助,最好是当面帮助。你可能需要更多的支持,祈祷,and wisdom.If you are not safe,please try to get yourself and your children somewhere safe.Involve the authorities if you need to.



走你那条狭窄的路很难。And孤独的.有时我们觉得除了你没有其他人和我们在一起。鼓励我们这些今天气馁的人。Help us keep our focus on You and all that You want to do in and through us.帮助我们决定跟随和服从你,无论什么。Help us yield to Your Lordship and to the power of Your Spirit to give us the supernatural ability to do all that You ask us to do.我们不能一个人这么做。Help us to set our faces like flint to follow You and to seek to please You far above anything else.帮助我们看到你是世上最伟大的财富。为了你们的荣耀,你们要精炼净化我们的动机,使我们越来越像耶稣。Let us set godly examples for our husbands,孩子们,我们周围的每个人都是靠你的力量在我们内部和通过我们工作的。



If you have been on this journey for awhile and you'd like to share how your husband responded when you first began to ask God to change you,我们很想听听你的经历!

If you are just starting out and you need some encouragement or prayer,请告诉我们。

如果你是一个丈夫,你有男性的见解来分享,帮助我们更好地了解我们的男人,we'd love to hear that,as well.




How to Have a Saving Relationship with Christ

What Is the Gospel?作者


I Don't Think My Husband Loves Me – How Can I  Become a Godly Wife?

有时这次旅行Lonely- but This Wife Is Being Faithful to God

Don't Expect Outside Support– from friends,extended family,同事们,etc… on this journey

当我开始改变的时候事情变得更糟了– by The Restored Wife



Is Avoiding Arguing Really Possible?


我们继续我们的从否定词到21天快and this week the focus will be on arguing. The Lord gives very clear instructions throughout the Bible that those who know,爱,and follow Him are not to argue,吵架,或者打架。

哦,and don't forget to comment on how you are doing with the fast.如果你被困住或需要祈祷或鼓励,请告诉我们,too.


  • 做任何事都不要抱怨或争论,菲尔。2:14
  • 提醒他们服从统治者和当局,要听话,为每一件好事做好准备,不说坏话,为了避免争吵,要温柔点,向所有人表示完美的礼貌。Titus 3:1-2
  • Charge them before God not to quarrel about words,which does no good,but only ruins the hearers.2 Tim.2:14


We need to be able to discuss,分享,inform,request,在我们的关系中提出建议。我们甚至需要适当地面对罪恶,有时。我们需要能够尊重地陈述我们的意见和愿望。我们需要能够进行重要和不重要的讨论。Thankfully,我们可以做到这一切without在上帝的帮助下争吵,智慧,和力量。



  1. 提出理由或举证支持某个想法,action,或者理论上,typically with the aim of persuading others to share one's view.
2.第二步。交换或表达不同或相反的观点,typically in a heated or angry way.
In this post,我们在讨论第二个定义。或者关于争吵,squabbling,争吵,或者打架。We are not to pick fights.我们不能做傻事,只关心把我们自己的意见和议程强加于每个有自私动机的人。We are not to try to crush other people and hurt them to prove how "right"we are about something.


Google Dictionary gives three definitions of "discussion."Here are two that are most pertinent to our conversation today.

  1. the action or process of talking about something in order to reach a decision or to exchange ideas.
  2. 关于某一话题的谈话或辩论。
请注意,通过讨论,there is no anger.
There is no attempt to hurt others or to "win at all costs."It is a peaceful conversation about ideas,priorities,视角,以及解决方案。This is very freeing!我们可以毫无紧张地讨论——认识到关系通常比正在讨论的问题更重要。唯一一个更重要的问题是,它是否与上帝或罪有关。那时,耶和华指示我们,要温和地、尊重地对待那些反对我们的人,desiring the opponents to come to repentance,salvation,and right relationship with God ( 2 Tim.2点25分)。
我们可以尊重地分享和讨论我们的观点,思想,欲望,需要,以及关注点。We don't have to insult anyone or be rude.我们不必去追捕任何人 sinful anger,请 rage,hatred,请或 恶意。我们不必自私。我们可以留下来 Spirit-filled,请自我控制,冷静点,和 peaceful.我们可以尊重他人, 上帝的爱,请and respect as we act in our new nature in the Lord.


The Bible shares several reasons for the prevalence of quarreling among believers:

The Cure Is to Live in the Spirit with Love and Humility


  • Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit,但在谦逊中,别人比你更重要。让你们每个人不仅关注自己的利益,but also to the interests of others.菲尔。2点3分4秒
  • Be completely humble and gentle;be patient,彼此相爱。EPH。4点2分
  • A new commandment I give to you,你们彼此相爱:就像我爱你们一样,你们也要彼此相爱。By this all people will know that you are my disciples,如果你们彼此相爱。”John 13:34-35
  • But I say,凭着精神走,你们也不能满足肉体的欲望。女孩。5点16分
  • But be doers of the word,and not hearers only,deceiving yourselves.James 1:22
  • If your brother sins,rebuke him,and if he repents,forgive him,Luke 17:3

在见证中,there are times to stop.当人们不想听福音的时候,他们拒绝了福音和我们,we move on.这有助于避免争吵,as well:

  • 不要给狗神圣的东西;不要把珍珠丢给猪。如果你这样做了,they may trample them under their feet,把你撕成碎片。马特。7:6
  • And if any place will not welcome you or listen to you,离开那地方,把脚上的尘土抖掉,作他们的见证。Mark 6:11

But how in the world do I avoid arguing in practical ways when I live with sinful people who want to argue constantly?And how to I avoid arguing when I have my own sinful nature to contend with,也?


为了避免争吵,there are some disciplines and things I need to pray about:

Some Verses about Avoiding Arguing and Quarreling:

From the New Testament:

  • 至于信心软弱的人,欢迎他,but not to quarrel over opinions.只读存储器14:1
  • 但要避免愚蠢的争论,家谱,dissensions,为法律争吵,因为他们无利可图,毫无价值。至于挑起分裂的人,after warning him once and then twice,have nothing more to do with him,知道这样的人是扭曲的,有罪的;他自责。提图斯3:9-11
  • Have nothing to do with foolish,ignorant controversies;你知道他们吵架。耶和华的仆人不可争吵,要善待众人。能够教书,patiently enduring evil,2 Tim.2点23分-24分
  • But the wisdom from above is first pure,然后是平静的,温柔的,开诚布公,full of mercy and good fruits,公正、真诚。James 3:17


  • 不要无缘无故与人争讼,当他没有伤害你的时候。准备金3点30分
  • 温和的回答可以驱散愤怒,但一个严厉的词会激起愤怒。准备金15点1分
  • 妻子的争吵是一场持续不断的雨。准备金19点13分
  • 一个人远离纷争是一种荣誉,但每个傻瓜都会吵架。准备金20:3
  • A fool gives full vent to his spirit,but a wise man quietly holds it back.准备金29点11分
  • A man of wrath stirs up strife,一个发泄愤怒的人就会犯很多罪。准备金29:22
  • 急躁的愤怒会引起冲突。准备金30:33


What are some things that have hit you in this post or in this series?21天过得怎么样?你需要鼓励还是祈祷?What has been the hardest part?你注意到你的生活或人际关系中有什么好的结果吗?

Much love!


We have been doing a从否定词到21天快灵感来自这个妻子的故事.我们从情人节开始,同意尽量避免以下情况:

What Does It Mean to Accept Jesus As Your Personal Savior?作者



NOTE – If you are not safe,if someone is abusing you or threatening you or your children,请尽量安全。Avoiding quarrels and arguments doesn't mean we sit and take physical abuse or we just stay and let someone mistreat us terribly.如果您不安全,请联系有关当局。或者你可以联系www.the热线.orgif you are on a safe computer.





Finally,兄弟姐妹们,不管什么是真的,whatever is noble,whatever is right,whatever is pure,whatever is lovely,whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.菲尔。4:8


Not to us,,请对我们来说不是but to your name be the glory,because of your love and faithfulness.第115点1分

Shout for joy to the,请全世界。Worship the愉快地;带着欢乐的歌声来到他面前。第100:1-2


I will consider all your works and meditate on all your mighty deeds.第77:12

我把你的话藏在心里that I might not sin against you.第119:11


4.Invite God to use the negative things in your life to help you grow in spiritual maturity,to bless others,and to bring glory to His Name.

Not only so,but we also glory in our sufferings,因为我们知道痛苦会产生毅力;坚持不懈,character;和性格,hope.希望不会让我们蒙羞,因为上帝的爱是通过圣灵浇灌在我们心中的,谁被给予了我们。Rom.5:3-5

Consider it pure joy,my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.坚持不懈地完成它的工作,使你变得成熟和完整,not lacking anything.詹姆斯1:2-4

NOTE – If you are not safe.如果你处于虐待或危险的情况下,these verses don't mean to just sit there and take abuse if you have the power to leave.We have a responsibility to get somewhere safe and to keep our children safe if there are actions we can take.

5.Avoid negative input来自其他人(如果可能的话)from media,music,电影,书,etc… and replace the negative input with healthy,wholesome,基督尊重能养活我灵魂的输入。

Do not conform to the pattern of this world,但是通过你的思想更新而改变。这样,你就可以试验和认可上帝的旨意是他的好,令人愉快和完美的意志。只读存储器12:2


6.Journal about my journey or have an accountability partner.

Though one may be overpowered,two can defend themselves.三股线不会很快断开。ECcl.4:12

第七章。使之成为一个团队项目在教堂,in the family,在工作中,在附近,和朋友在一起,or wherever.

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds,Heb.10:24

8.一旦我搞砸了,I need to repentand get right back upand invite God to continue to make me more like Jesus.


Added Bonuses When I Stop My Habit of Complaining about Every Little Thing:

  • 我的关系更加平静。
  • 我的内心和思想更加平静。
  • 我可以更接近上帝。
  • It's easier for my husband to lead.
  • I have a much more powerful witness for Jesus.
  • I am more fun to be around for everyone.
  • I have more joy.
  • 我对我丈夫更有吸引力。
  • 我没那么烦自己。


What tips do you have to share to help us all avoid complaining?

What bonuses have you noticed when you cut way back on a complaining spirit?


抱怨与告知–我们需要能够分享重要的事情。Thankfully,we can do that without complaining!



17 Tips to Ask for What You Desire Respectfully

我不能要求什么。我没有需求,Desires or Emotions.–通过辐射

I Must Avoid Conflict at All Costs.这是神圣的事情.–不!有时我们确实需要卷入冲突和分歧。But,谢天谢地,以圣灵的能力,我们可以做到不犯罪。




Another Challenge – Let Your Yes Mean Yes and Your No Mean No分享我们的欲望

How to Have a Saving Relationship with Jesus:


I need to:

1.ADMITI am a sinner and there is nothing I can do to make myself in right relationship with the One true holy God of the universe.

  • "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."只读存储器3:23

2.第二步。相信耶稣,God in the flesh,离开了天堂的荣耀,来到这个世界是为了过一种完美的生活,我不能活下去,也不能死,因为我在我的位置上罪有应得。他战胜了罪恶,死亡,这坟墓是为我立的,是在第三天复活的。

  • 罪的工价是死,神的恩赐是我们主基督耶稣里永远的生命。只读存储器6:23


  • "Because,if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead,您将被保存。”只读存储器10:9
  • 他为所有人而死,使那些活着的人不再为自己活着,而是为那为自己死而复活的人活着。哥林多后书。5点15分
  • "Not everyone who says to me,“主啊,Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven,但那遵行我父在天上旨意的人。马特。7:21


How to Have a Saving Relationship with Christ


What Is the Gospel?作者

Much love!

What Is the Difference Between Complaining and Informing?


About Complaining –

希腊语单词翻译成“申诉人”means literally "one who is discontented with his lot in life."它类似于这个词 抱怨者.抱怨当然不是精神的果实。( Galatians 5:22-23) and,事实上,对和平有害,joy,以及来自灵魂的耐心。For the Christian,抱怨本身是破坏性的和使人衰弱的,只会使我们的世界见证更加困难。Who,for instance,会被一种宗教所吸引,这种宗教的信徒不满意生活,并且不断地抱怨和抱怨?
很明显,作为信徒,我们被要求不要抱怨或抱怨( 菲律宾2:14-15(二) 1 Peter 4:9);相反,we are to love one another deeply so that we may become "blameless and pure"在上帝的眼中。If we grumble and complain,it shows how worldly we still are ( James 4:1-3)。抱怨的精神会导致争斗和争吵,因为抱怨来自未实现的欲望,导致嫉妒和 strife.


My thoughts:

抱怨主要是关注环境的负面影响,people,or perceived negatives about God.这是关于传达对主缺乏感激和信心的信息。A complainer is not looking for solutions,但只想传播消极和不满。分享的信息不是听者需要或想要知道的。而且,sadly,a complaining spirit is very contagious.

通知主要是分享他人需要知道的重要信息。我们可能需要分享我们对某些事物的欲望。我们需要分享,如果我们是身体上的,emotionally,或者精神上如此不适,以至于我们需要一个特定的人的帮助。我们需要分享,有了合适的人,if someone else is not okay and he/she needs help.


  • 我认为抱怨是责任所在,寻求同情,通常什么都解决不了。The hearer may not need the information at all.通知寻求解决方案,旨在通过向听证者提供所需的信息使其受益。
  • 我看这边,“首先,can it change?"If it can,“需要吗?”然后,“我怎么能用一种不被视为竞争对手的方式来表达呢?”很多人都担心“我比你强”。Or "At least I do the dishes"在现实中,我们只想得到别人的赞赏,并倾听我们的担忧。
  • I think it's all wrapped in the words you use.不是说,为什么要说“你”总是在“你”之后离开马桶座go?"更好的方法是,“亲爱的,猜猜昨晚我差点儿出什么事了,我几乎坐到马桶里“…然后问我们能不能一起想一个办法,我们可以记得把座位放回去?(这在很久以前就发生在我身上了。)当我做“你”的时候声明,它在抱怨。When I made the "we"声明,it included us as a couple/team.为我们的利益而合作。My husband didn't want me to fall or get wet.It was just a habit he had.Talking and agreeing on a problem brings resolve.Not pent up frustration that steams and brews until it becomes a screaming match.爱不是这样的。Moral of my story:  We agreed to put both the seat and the lid down after using the toilet.Happy endings prevail where love abounds!!
  • 这段经文最近影响了我。抱怨或隐瞒我们生活中发生的事情的真相都是有害的。If speaking the truth of our circumstances could lead others to eventually rejoice in God's deliverance,then it is worth telling.Here,Paul is neither complaining nor withholding:

“因为我们不希望你不知道,兄弟,我们在亚洲所经历的苦难。For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself.的确,我们觉得我们已经被判了死刑。但那是要使我们不倚靠自己,倚靠那叫死人复活的神。他把我们从这样一个致命的危险中解救出来,他会救我们的。我们已把希望寄托在他身上,希望他能再次拯救我们。You also must help us by prayer,好叫许多人代我们感谢藉着许多人的祷告赐给我们的福。」

I think it is helpful to look at my heart,动机,and scripture as I try to decide if what I want to share is complaining or informing.


  • Am I saying negative things about God,假设他有邪恶的动机,或者说他品行不好?
  • 我是在谴责其他人,还是在向那些不参与其中、不需要知道的人强调他们的罪行?
  • Am I walking in a lack of gratitude?
  • 我多久谈论一次这个问题?Is it a continual habit?
  • 我在说长道短吗?意思是,am I sharing negative information about others in order to make others thing poorly of someone else or to try to make myself look better than someone else?
  • Do I tell lots of people,even those who can't do anything to help the situation?
  • 这仅仅是一个我可以/应该忽略的烦恼?
  • 我是否更关注自己的个人喜好/舒适度,而不是圣经的原则/上帝的荣耀?
  • 我是不是想控制not in the realm of my responsibilities?
  • Is this something I need to accept and invite God to use it to change me?What if this试验我的祈祷能帮助我在精神上成长吗?还是我有责任去改变?
  • Am I encouraging others to complain,to be afraid,不相信上帝,还是心烦意乱?
  • 我是攻击还是批评别人?
  • 我是在寻求真正的帮助和解决问题吗?or do I just want attention and sympathy?
  • 我的动机错了吗?Do my words spring from envy,罪恶的嫉妒,请selfishness,自以为是,八卦,请pride,怨恨,苦涩,请unforgiveness,仇恨,恶意,请idolatry of someone/something (codependency),fault-finding,acritical spirit,请perfectionism,请people pleasing,请playing the martyr,害怕,请a控制欲,请assuming the worst motives of others or God,不信上帝/缺乏信心,等等……?
  • 我的目标是什么?Am I trying to resolve something that is resolvable?或者我只是想说一些消极的话,只是想说出来——而我并不是真的在寻求解决方案?


  • 我只是想让上帝知道我的需要,并且——在信仰上——请求他的帮助和供给吗?
  • Do I have a legitimate need or problem and am I looking to the person (or people) who can truly help me?
  • Am I seeking only to tell people who actually need to know about the situation?
  • 我的问题是一个我自己无法解决的重大问题吗?
  • Am I asking for things or sharing my perspective or the information I want to share respectfully?
  • Is the problem something that can change and那是我的责任to try to change?
  • 我多久谈论一次这个问题?Just enough to tell the person who can help me?
  • 这个问题是不是让神的心悲伤,神指示我去改正?
  • Are my motives right?我是不是想用一种尊重上帝的方式来解决这个问题?
  • Am I acting in divine (1 Cor.13:4-8 style) love for God and for others?
  • Am I pointing others and myself to trust God,去爱别人,and to have greater faith?
  • 我分享这些信息会激励别人对主更大的信心吗?Will it help them grow spiritually?
  • 我是吗reverencing the Lord,请尊重他人(我的husband,请my儿童,请以及其他方面)。尊重myself在这种情况下?





我们需要你的智慧,指导,Word,以及帮助我们正确识别这一领域和每一个领域的精神。Help us to see our motives clearly.帮助我们长久地在思想上尊重你,attitudes,动机,words,和行动。帮助我们接受你们的灵的能力,在圣洁中行走,因为我们不能独自这样做。改变我们,Lord!Make us more like Jesus.


你怎么认为?How do you believe we can discern between complaining and informing?我们很乐意在评论中听到你的想法和见解。Thanks for being on this amazing journey with me.
And let us know how your 从否定词到21天快就要走了。如果你想加入的话,就不要迟到!
Complaining rewires our brains,adversely impacts our health,破坏别人对我们的看法,伤害我们的关系。难怪上帝不希望我们这样生活!
What Does the Bible Say about Complaining?——作者
Faith VS Fear – What Does the Bible Say?——作者

如果朋友抱怨,Shouldn't I Commiserate?

拍照人 Ben WhiteUnsplash
I received a great question from a wife about what to do when someone else complains.她说她通常会抱怨自己的生活,too,所以这个人会觉得她能理解他们,他们不会感到孤独。And she worried that if they said they were really tired and she didn't tell them she was really tired,too,他们可能会觉得她觉得自己的生活更好,或者在某种程度上她会觉得自己很粗鲁。
This is a really important issue!I'm super excited it has been brought up.
We can empathize and sympathize with others if they are sick,累了,心烦意乱,等等……但我们不必抱怨我们的生活,too.
If a friend/coworker/customer says she is really tired,我可以说:
  • “听到这个我很难过。听起来很难。”
  • “哦,不。我讨厌你这么累。那可没意思。”
  • “嘿,is there anything I can do to help?"
我确实认为女人总是抱怨我们丈夫在一起的一个原因就是这一点。Many women want their friends to feel like they understand them and can relate.So if one wife complains about her husband,其他人将加入。我们不希望其他女人感到孤立或被遗弃。我们希望他们知道我们都有类似的斗争。
But a negative,grumbling,complaining spirit about our husbands (and other things) hurts us.It hurts the way we think of our husbands.它伤害了我们的婚姻。It hurts our friendships.这会伤害我们与其他同事或老板的关系——如果我们抱怨他们的话。It hurts our ability to witness effectively for Jesus.It grieves the heart of God.它阻碍了我们的感恩和对上帝的信仰。So we need to be cautious about this,我亲爱的姐妹们。


如果一个朋友开始抱怨她的丈夫,I can empathize that she is feeling upset."I'm so sorry things have been frustrating.听起来真令人沮丧。”And then I can pray and invite God to give me wisdom about how to be an encouragement to her.Depending on the situation and how close of a relationship we have,也许我可以:
  • 听她的心声和痛苦。试着了解情况。
  • Validate her feelings.
  • 与她的斗争有关。(没有抱怨或不尊重我生命中的任何人。)
  • Pray with her about the situation and invite God into the situation to work for His glory.
  • 对她进行精神检查,以确保她从上帝那里得到好的东西。
  • Possibly share some things I have learned that have helped me in similar situations.
  • 在主的带领下,提供见解或可能的有用资源。
  • Make sure she is safe – if she is facing abuse or something truly awful,在非常困难的情况下,她可能需要更多的帮助和资源。

It depends on the relationship – and how much time we have – how we would approach another woman in this situation.最终,we will need the wisdom and power of the Holy Spirit to give us exactly the right words to share in each scenario.We want women to feel validated and supported.And then we want to be able to point them to the hope that is available to them in Christ.We may even be able to witness and分享福音如果他们不认识上帝,就和他们在一起。或者如果他们已经认识上帝,but are struggling with faith,我们可以鼓励他们屈服于他的统治。God may help us see exactly what they need.

有些妇女可能会接受我们的一些积极的新建议。尤其是那些真正亲近我们的人。其他人不会。Some may be offended if we try to encourage them to look for good things in their lives.我们不能强迫任何人改变她的想法。我们可以邀请他们去。但如果他们显然不想,我们可以尊重他们的决定。这是他们的选择。我们可以退后。


我们生活中的一些女人可能在她们的生活或婚姻中没有大问题,他们可能只是有一个坏习惯,只会思考和谈论消极的事情。In a situation like that,I may be able to gently mention some blessings she has in her life,or encourage her to think about the good things in her life.I may even invite her – in a sweet,友好的方式-和我一起快速从消极的话。谁知道呢?她可能对此很兴奋!


悲哀地,there are some people who are so negative and toxic,we need to be careful about how much influence we allow them to have on our lives.他们很容易把我们拖下水。有时我们可能不得不与那些坚持专注于抱怨的人保持距离,怨恨,bitterness,仇恨,消极性,insults,arguing,等等……如果有人鼓励我憎恨我的丈夫,或者用消极的方式思考和谈论他,my life,其他人,my job,或者上帝,这可能是个问题。If someone tries to divide my marriage or other relationships,I want to be very cautious.
  • 至于挑起分裂的人,after warning him once and then twice,和他没什么关系。提图斯3:10
  • 不要被误导:“坏的公司会腐蚀好的品格。”1 Cor.15点33分
  • 凡与智慧人同行的,就成了智慧人。但与愚人作伴的,必受患难。准备金13:20
  • 不诚实的人散布纷争,and a whisperer separates close friends.准备金16:28
  • Whoever covers an offense seeks love,但重复一件事的人会把亲密的朋友分开。准备金17点9分
  • Make no friendship with a man given to anger,也不要和一个愤怒的人一起去,恐怕你知道他的道,把自己陷在网罗里。准备金22:24-25
Let's seek to bring the God's joy,和平,and a spirit of thanksgiving into our homes,工作场所,和关系。This is part of how we can be salt and light!
How is the 3 week fast from negative words going for you so far?我们很想听听你的经历。
Much love!


  • 你口中不可出恶言,but only such as is good for building up,as fits the occasion,好叫这恩典赐给听见的人。EPH。4点29分
  • 在任何情况下都要表示感谢;for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.1帖。5:18
  • 我们知道,对于那些爱上帝的人来说,所有的事情都是为了美好而共同努力的,为那些按照他的目的被召唤的人。只读存储器8:28
  • Finally,兄弟,不管什么是真的,无论什么是可敬的,不管是什么,whatever is pure,whatever is lovely,凡是值得称赞的,如果有什么优点,if there is anything worthy of praise,思考这些事情。菲尔。4:8





Is It Good to Have Close Friendships with Unbelievers?

A Wife Begins a 21 Day Fast from Negative Words


When a Husband Is Negative,关键,或者伤人

为挑剔的妻子祈祷,Harsh Husbands–通过辐射


对于破坏感情的友谊或扩大家庭关系,please check outLeslie Vernick的资源。


拍照人 Matt BotsfordUnsplash
If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart,this person's religion is worthless.James 1:26
A wife inspired me with 她的故事earlier this week.我很想邀请大家做一个和她决定做的一样快的事情。


  • Destructive criticism
  • 侮辱
    • 包括讽刺或“开玩笑”ones
  • 抱怨
  • 争论

一个批评,Judgmental Spirit Destroys Others and Ourselves

我们的目标是过基督徒的生活,not just to have head knowledge of it.
所以让我们邀请上帝,Himself,用我们的话向我们表明他对我们如何使用我们的嘴的意愿。第一,let's avoid hurtful,破坏性的批评——旨在摧毁他人的负面言论。这些话对任何人都没有好处。他们伤害了我们的关系。They hurt people.他们哀伤上帝的心。
有这样一件事 建设性批评and there is such a thing as a wise, 上帝的斥责.如果使用得当,动机得当,这些都是好东西。我们都需要不时地得到关于盲点的爱的反馈。
From about a critical spirit:
Jesus is notsaying that we should not be discerning or that we should ignore the fallen nature of the world.他也不是说我们绝不能,在任何情况下,criticize anyone else.事实上,圣经告诉我们,我们要作出正确的判断。( John 7:24)。However, 我们不是出于恶意或骄傲而批评,虚伪,请或者自以为是。我们不能假定我们是公正的,也不能假定我们可以相当精确地评价别人。Humans have naturally deceitful hearts ( 耶利米书17:9)允许盲点和不适当的比较。Only God can judge with perfect accuracy ( Hebrews 4:12(二) 詹姆斯4:11-12(二) 1 Samuel 16:7(二) 1 Chronicles 28:9(二) 以赛亚书11:4(二) 启示录19:11)。我们的辨别力只有在基督里有更新的本性时才有效。( 哥林多前书2:14-16(二) 约翰16:13)。只有当我们顺服基督,诚实地面对自己时,我们的判断才会服务于教育,而不是毁灭。
批判性话语源于批判性的心。And a critical heart generally comes from a misunderstanding of God's grace—either due to pride or a simple lack of information about God's character and the meaning of salvation.Only when we understand our depravity apart from God and the depth of His grace will we be able to bestow grace to others ( 罗马人3:23(二) 6:23(二) Colossians 2:13-15(二) Ephesians 2:1-10)。
  • 你这个伪君子,first take the log out of your own eye,and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.马特。7:5
  • Do not speak evil against one another,兄弟。The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother,speaks evil against the law and judges the law.但是如果你判断法律,你不是执法者,而是法官。只有一个立法者和法官,能够拯救和毁灭的人。但你是谁来评判你的邻居呢?詹姆斯4:11-12


我们的话有“生与死的力量”根据《圣经》(Prov.18:21).我们说的话很重要。耶稣给我们两个主要的命令。第一,我们要全心全意地爱上帝,头脑,souls,and strength.The second is that we are to love other people as we love ourselves (Matt.22:36-40)。然后耶稣将两者联系起来。We learn that He counts the way we treat other people,即使是最小的,我们对待他的方式(马特。25点31分-46分)。在《约翰》中,我们知道了“如果有人说,“我爱上帝”,却恨他的兄弟姐妹,他是个骗子。For the person who does not love his brother or sister whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen."

So what we speak to people in our every day lives matters.很多。让我们邀请上帝来帮助我们停止使用我们的话语作为武器来削减别人,停止对人们甚至对我们自己说死亡。

  • 不要以恶报恶,也不要以侮辱来侮辱。On the contrary,以福报恶,because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.1只宠物。3点9分
  • 轻视邻舍的,就没有理智;但是一个通情达理的人却保持沉默。准备金11点12分
  • 一个傻瓜的不快立刻就被知道了,但忽略侮辱的人是明智的。准备金12:16
  • There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts,智慧人的舌头却能医治人。准备金12:18

Complaining and Negativity Hurt Our Witness for Christ

When we complain and highlight all that is wrong with life and focus on bad things,我们显露出对主缺乏信心,心里也不信。上帝号召我们在任何情况下都要过感恩节的生活。5:18).He calls us to focus our minds on Him and on all of the good things and blessings we can find (Phil.4:8).

One of the things that stirred God's anger the most against the people of Israel in the wilderness was their tendency to complain and grumble.他们向摩西抱怨,but ultimately,他们真正的抱怨是对上帝的。他们不相信他会好好照顾他们。They didn't believe He was able to provide well for them.They didn't trust His heart toward them or His plan.他们没有带着自己的需要来找他,而是谦恭恭敬地通过信仰寻求帮助。他们指责上帝有邪恶的动机,说他一定太软弱了,不能帮助或拯救他们。事实并非如此!

即使现在对于信基督的人,if we choose to complain and grumble about our lot in life,we hurt our walk with the Lord and we destroy our witness for Him.How can anyone be drawn to Jesus if we are so dissatisfied with Him and we don't trust Him,我们自己?上帝不是说我们不能向他求助。我们绝对可以!And we can ask others for help,too,when we need to,and it is appropriate.But for believers in Christ,我们的生活中没有抱怨的余地。我们要过信仰的生活。Faith doesn't complain – it trust God and seeks Him,邀请他去做一些光荣的事情。

We also need to remember that God intends to use our trials to help us grow in our faith and spiritual maturity.The thing I am complaining about may be the answer to my prayers that God has sent to help me grow.不是说我们应该努力寻找痛苦或者让自己陷入痛苦。但作为一个信徒,我应该对烦人和困难的事情有一个完全不同的看法。They may be spiritual tests.它们可能是我在信仰中成长的纪律。它们可能是上帝做一些惊人事情的机会。In Christ,I can learn to即使我的考验也算是快乐。I can keep an eternal perspective rather than get wrapped up in the moment.

  • 也不抱怨,就像他们中的一些人那样,被驱逐舰摧毁了。1 Cor.10点10分
  • Do everything without grumbling and arguing,so that you may be blameless and pure,神的儿女,在弯曲乖僻的世代中,是完全无瑕的,你们在他们中间,好像天上的星一样发光。坚持生命的话语。菲尔。2:14-16
  • 不要彼此抱怨,兄弟,so that you may not be judged;看到,法官站在门口。詹姆斯5:9
  • Show hospitality to one another without grumbling.1只宠物。4:9

争论是无效的,Detrimental,而且不必要,for a Believer

We can get our points across and have a voice,尤其当我们分享我们所知道的东西时,我们会尊敬并取悦上帝。我们可以在爱中分享真相,using God's wisdom and discernment.我们可以对上帝眼中看为恶的事大声说出来。And we can do all of this without being argumentative,fighting,or involving sinful anger – IF we act in the power of the Spirit of God.

  • 温和的回答可以驱散愤怒,但一个严厉的词会激起愤怒。准备金15点1分
  • Have nothing to do with foolish,ignorant controversies;你知道他们吵架。耶和华的仆人不可争吵,要善待众人。能够教书,patiently enduring evil,2 Tim.2点23分-24分
  • But the wisdom from above is first pure,然后是平静的,温柔的,开诚布公,full of mercy and good fruits,公正、真诚。James 3:17
  • 提醒他们服从统治者和当局,要听话,为每一件好事做好准备,不说坏话,为了避免争吵,要温柔点,向所有人表示完美的礼貌。Titus 3:1-2


We can't do any of this in our own power.但如果我们属于耶稣,we can invite Him to give us the power we need to control our words – and even to control our thoughts.That is the end goal.全心全意,注意,生命因基督的大能而改变。
  • We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God,我们将一切思想俘虏,使它顺从基督。哥林多后书。10:5
  • 靠着圣灵行事,你们就必不成就肉体的心愿。女孩。5点16分


我们爱你,并且想更加爱你。More than anything or anyone else.More than even ourselves.上帝啊,如果你是我们的主,it means we are to submit every part of our lives to Your authority and control.Our words are often our area of greatest weakness,Lord.我们的话语揭示了我们内心隐藏的动机。They demonstrate whether our sinful nature is in control or Your Spirit is in control.We want You to be in firm control of our mouths,words,and even our thoughts!We repent of our sinful words.我们的谴责之词,judgment,破坏性的批评,grumbling,arguing,complaining,消极性,and insults.These things wound Your heart.They grieve You.They break our fellowship with You.We repent of these sinful words – and the sinful thoughts that birthed them.我们今天要背起十字架跟你走。我们把我们罪恶的本性和它所有的思想和言语钉在十字架上,钉在耶稣身上。We receive Your new life and new nature for us.Thank You that You will empower us to walk in Your ways and to offer our mouths and words to You to use as instruments of righteousness rather than offering them to the enemy and sin to use to destroy others,伤害你,and destroy ourselves.


让我们知道事情是如何发展的,如果你在与主和你的关系中发现了任何不同的地方。也,check in with us if you need some encouragement!
Much love!
How Can I Overcome Having a Critical Spirit?作者

A Wife Begins a 21 Day Fast from Negative Words

I am so thankful to this precious sister in Christ who has allowed me to share some of what God has been doing in her life and heart.在这段旅程的每一个阶段都能听到妻子们的话,这是一种福气。Perhaps you may want to join her with this amazing idea?事实上,this would be a WONDERFUL Valentine's gift to your husband!
记住——目标不是为了让你丈夫改变而改变,but to allow God to transform you!Check out this wife's journal and observations for the first 10 days or so of her journey:
I have been reading your blog posts and realizing some things.事实上,我甚至在我的教堂开了一家公司快餐店(21天),但不是食物…
我已经三天没对我丈夫做过这些了,这很困难,但我告诉自己如果我搞砸了,我就不会得到我的早上咖啡(这是我最喜欢的,也是我第一个想到要快的东西)。不过,我已经注意到他有点变化了。事实上,即使在这几天之后,他的举止也大不相同。我不得不说我很震惊。我总是意识到,我对我丈夫说的话中有80%都涉及到以上这些。But I think I am on the right track?
有时我觉得自己很有力量,很接近上帝,有时我觉得自己很低落,很笨。 why do I have to change and he doesn'tbut I understand fully that is not the right mindset.It's just hard.
他现在中午还在睡觉(在和朋友们呆得很晚之后——再次)。I am with my coffee and Bible and praying for God to get me through today.我知道我不能继续照顾他。我知道他必须自己做出选择。只是疼而已。To him,一点都不重要。He works 50+ hours a week and provides well.
我可以告诉你很多。我甚至不打算提起他回家晚的事实。I've done it a million times in the past and where did it get me?哪儿也没有!
This will be so hard and I will want to be sarcastic!In the past I've even taken stabs at his manhood bc he has chose staying out late with guys over his wife,那是什么样的人干的?我会说……“一个同性恋?”I'm sure that didn't help.I really can be so mean to him but it's because things hurt me.
我想改变我和我丈夫的心,所以我知道有些事情必须改变。Maybe when he realizes I no longer bring it up and nag and complain he may actually be able to hear God say it's wrong?Or hear his own thoughts on things?就像你说的。
我开始阅读 投降的妻子,劳拉·道尔,按她指示把钱交给了我丈夫。 (来自平静的妻子——这本书在我自己的旅程中在很多方面帮助了我,but there are some things that are not biblical that have to be filtered out.)
He didn't take it well.我是说他没说什么,只是,"Ok,"最后没有跟我说再见就走了。When I called him he just said he was a little confused and that he would talk to me about it later when he got home.
  1. 我控制一切。
  2. 我监督他做什么和花什么。
  3. It creates that mother/son type relationship I hate.
  4. 我原以为他会很乐意放弃这一切,但我想他可能只是在看着它,好像他现在有更多的工作。
劳拉指示说,"I know you'll fine time,you'll do much better than me,"就这样吧,但现在我觉得我应该向他解释,因为他看起来很沮丧。
他回家后,我仍然是我的“新人”赛尔夫,他没有问这件事。He took me on a date and never brought it up.我只是不断地练习接球和甜蜜。在回家的路上,他给我讲了一个很长的故事,说他昨天为什么花这么多钱帮助一个朋友。He probably thinks I was mad about that and decided to give him all the financial burden as a punishment.I do things like that.但我只是说,“哦,你真好!”
国际存托凭证,我现在感觉离我丈夫很远。It's almost like he has a wall up. He may feel very confused或者说我很不一样,但我以为这会吸引他靠近我,但他似乎很遥远。
  • Radical change for me.我内心的极度平静,that come only from the Lord,relinquishingcontrol我丈夫的偶像崇拜.平和有趣,不紧张,worried,请疯了,一直都很紧张。
  • Radical change in my husband.他与耶和华同行,听见他的声音,他看待和处理财务的方式发生了根本性的变化。
  • 在我们的婚姻中要恢复激情和亲密。
I actually,马上,远离我丈夫,却与主亲近。
很有趣。 我从没有被上帝控制起就感到平静。我以为会更难,也许有时候会这样,但我是一个目标制定者,我开始不抱怨,批评,judge,or be sarcastic for 21 days and I'm sticking to it.投入到释放控制和女性化,我认为我的丈夫是非常困惑。
我真希望我能告诉他发生了什么事,让他放松下来,尽量把他吸引到我身边。因为现在似乎我知道一些他不知道的事情,我们感到疏远,但我知道 那可能不是最好的。
我一直在读你的帖子 8和平的强大钥匙have been amazing to learn.当我和上帝一起度过安静的时光时,今天会读更多的书!
我知道这将是一条艰难的路。不会总是那么容易的。I got to this point where I realized I was upset I even married my husband and was trying to almost justify a divorce.And I realized that was so wrong and unnecessary and I was willing to change if that's what God wanted.我很惭愧我那样想。尤其是在能够for the first time in a long time,看看我丈夫是个什么样的好人。(我的意思是只是一瞥),但它们仍然存在。我把这当作上帝打开我的眼睛。改变我所看到的。
我真的很渴望亲密,即使我在改变,变得更好,它还是不在那里。But I am trying to remember,就像你说的,这是多年来的不尊重,所以他可能不会(很快)回来。
也,这很奇怪,但因为我在这个问题上花了更多的时间和上帝在一起作为一个妻子 it's almost as if all these past incidents are being brought my mind,times when,at the time I saw myself as completely justified and mistreated and now I'm seeing myself as an ugly beast.Ways I've treated my husband in the past,还有我说过的可恨的话。
我觉得我真的伤害了我的婚姻。And destroyed intimacy.
I haven't apologized yet!我只是坚持禁食,想听主的话。
My husband has been in our bedroom all night with the door closed playing video games. I do know he had a hard day at work.他在外面工作,今天很冷。I had a homemade dinner waiting for him.
  1. Hugged me and kissed me and squeezed me.
  2. Fixed up the TV for me so I could watch a show I wanted to watch.
  3. 对我微笑。
That's great and I didn't complain about him saying he was going to go play for a little but I feel myself feeling all that aggression toward him again for choosing things over me.For not pursuing me sexually or wanting to spend time with me instead of video games.
To be honest,昨晚我彻底搞砸了。我丈夫回家抱了我两个小时,while he watched a movie.他确实抱着我,但我没有去争取。我一直在想我只是想起来做点什么。I'm so annoyed this is every night he just wants to sit here and watch TV.
Finally,我把这些都提出来了。I told him he's never romantic.It was like word vomit and after almost 2 weeks of being respectful,I caved.他似乎很羞愧,告诉我我不想要现实生活。Real life is him coming home from a long day and cuddling me when I want.蜡烛和鲜花——这不是真的。I get it but every now and then? 他说他厌倦了总觉得自己做错了什么。
我决定不提前天晚上的事!Though he slept in,我起床打扫卫生,had some Bible time and to be honest really felt some anger brewing in my heart.他并没有像我希望的那样去寻找上帝。然后又看到他因为一些愚蠢的游戏而熬夜。我甚至不想靠近他。
THEN I started a gratitude journal. I wrote down all the things recently he's done that's made me happy,让我骄傲或印象深刻:
  • He asked me to pray for his desire to read his bible.
  • He fixed our car when it was broke down.
  • He recently bought a book about prayer.
  • He's been working so hard at work.
  • He's been taking over the finances better than I ever thought he would!
After this,我想和他躺在床上。他睡眼朦胧地看着我,我做的第一件事就是微笑。他笑了笑,我很震惊,但他马上开始吻我,并和我做爱。
我觉得他被我的安静所吸引,我对一切都没有意见。My smile.
I wasn't even thinking about sex at all and he made it happen!I was taken back but thankful for my time of being thankful because it completely changed my mindset!


If you would like to share some of your journey and things you have learned along the way,我们很想听听!

Or,如果这个妻子的故事鼓励你尝试类似的事情,我们很想听听你的计划,as well.



The Peaceful Wife – Living in Submission to Christ As Lord金宝搏亚洲体育博彩(我的书概述了如何开始这段旅程)


Apologizing Stories– why some wives apologize immediately,还有一些等到晚些时候



我们来谈谈性吧!(a link to all my posts about sex)


Valentine's Day is coming up,女士!伴随着所有的压力和期望。
Sometimes,we may be tempted to judge our husband's love for us or the strength of our marriage based on if we get just the right gift.Special,昂贵的礼物和我们丈夫给我们的东西会很有趣。But let's remember that our relationship,marriage,动机,我们如何对待我们的丈夫远比我们如何庆祝一天重要得多。


Our husbands show love in many ways that advertisers never portray.日常生活方式。有时候,英雄般的方式。这些爱的手势很重要!Probably more important,在永恒之光中,而不是他们是否选择了我们想要的合适的卡片,或者他们是否给了我们一条新的钻石项链。
I'm so glad our worth as women doesn't have to all hang on this one day!
Our worth comes from Jesusand His incredible love and sacrifice for us.其他的都是锦上添花!每个丈夫都有自己的长处,人才,以及表达爱的方式。
It is amazing how much more loved we feel when we learn to see and appreciate what our men do to try to show us love.即使这不是我们最喜欢的接受爱的方式。We might discover,their ways are pretty amazing,too.他们一年四季都为我们做事。Think about the kind things your particular husband does for you – and write them down.
Consciously choose to be thankful for the man you have.
In Christ,we don't have to measure our husband's love by whether they meet all of the standards of advertisers on TV and billboards for this day.We can be free from worldly expectations and dictates.我们可以选择爱,谢谢你,尊重,and honor our men for the ways they show love to us every day of the year.我们不必将它们与任何其他人进行比较——真实的或虚构的。
我们要决定是否要在我们的婚姻中设置情感恒温器 热情好客or cold and resentful. We can also learn to give love to our men in the ways that are meaningful to them.

The Most Important Thing Is Our Attitude

We can approach this day with a感恩之心和满足。

不是把注意力放在我们自己身上,也不是放在我们文化对今天的刻板期望上,我很想看到我们从丈夫和我们自己身上卸下一些压力。当然,we can sweetly ask for things we would enjoy.(With a pleasant tone of voice and a smile):
  • Babe,I would really love to do X.
  • 蜂蜜,我想要一盒情人节巧克力。
我们还要问一下我们的丈夫对他们有什么特别之处。如果我们选择庆祝这一天,让我们以一对夫妇独特的方式来欣赏我们独特的婚姻。为什么让一些我们甚至不认识的陌生人——如果我们做他们想做的事,谁会从中受益——向我们或我们的人提出要求?And why allow some marketing executives to get us to resent our guys if they find their marketing plan unpalatable?
The Most Important Ability Is Flexibility
这是我主日学校老师最喜欢的一句话。这是真的!所以,如果有人得了流感,或者财务紧张,做一些复杂的事情是不可能的,我们可以灵活变通。This is life sometimes.我们可以随身携带。God can give us the power!我们不必惊慌失措或心烦意乱。我们可以享受:
  • A homemade meal or take out at home together on the couch.
  • 做我们丈夫最喜欢的菜或甜点。Just to bless him.
  • Snuggling on the couch together.
  • 感谢我们的人为我们和我们的家人所做的一切。
  • Sharing a few reasons we admire them.
  • 和孩子们一起做些有趣的事。
  • Making homemade decorations for the supper table with the kids.
  • Taking cookies to a single mom,a pregnancy crisis center,or an elderly widow/widower.
  • 在附近散步。
  • A relaxing bath together after the kids go to bed.
  • 如果14号的日程安排不好的话,改天再聚一次。

Contentment IS Possible!

保罗是一个令人难以置信的满足的例子,我们可以效仿。他在为自己的信仰而遭受暴力迫害的时候,能在基督里得到满足。监禁,suffering,疾病,损伤,各种各样的试验 (菲尔。4:11-12)。Surely,因为我们有耶稣在我们里面的力量,不管情人节发生什么,我们都能满足。
现在敬虔和知足有了很大的益处,因为我们没有给世界带来任何东西,and we cannot take anything out of the world.但是如果我们有食物和衣服,有了这些,我们就满足了。1 Tim.6:6-8
上帝称我们满足于敬虔,food for the day,and clothing for the day.真的。这与我们文化中收到的信息非常不同。But it is extremely freeing!
即使情人节的事情没有如我们所希望的那样发展,我们也能以尊重和自制的态度做出优雅的回应。We can bring joy and delight to our husbands by being understanding,patient,peaceful,快乐,体贴,and thankful for them.
Much love!
在情人节到来的时候,你发现了什么秘密,这对你丈夫来说是一种祝福,你的家人,你自己呢?We'd love to hear about it!
Let's Talk about Sex– links to every post I have on this subject